Of All the Things You Could Do
by Riles
Summary: A series of little ficlets of things Naruto characters can do to one another.... Time frames may vary – keep that in mind for spoiler warnings.


**Title:** Of All the Things You Could Do

**Summary:** A series of little ficlets of things Naruto characters can do to one another…. Time frames may vary – keep that in mind for spoiler warnings.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto… quite sadly. Nor do I own all of the ideas used in these ficlets… many came from HarvestMoonRacoon. Check out her stories. They're hilarious. I'm also not going to be 100 on with characterization, so if I screw up a character (for the sake of the chapter's storyline or on accident), you must excuse me.

**Time:** Post time skip; Akatsuki introduction to Tobi

**Characters:** Uchiha Itachi, Tobi, Hoshigaki Kisame, Deidara, Him

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There was another meeting. If Itachi Uchiha did not live for the Akatsuki's mission, he would kill every last one of them. Those damned meetings really pissed him off. Everyone knew what they should be doing: catching the Jinchuuriki. They didn't need to meet every five minutes to confirm this obvious fact.

The oldest Uchiha slipped into the Akatsuki hideout, cautious as he always was for any sign of something awry. A few of the members were already present, indicating that nothing was wrong so far as they had noticed. Itachi had a nasty habit of not trusting their instincts, however, and so he stood in the shadows peering about for several minutes before revealing himself to them.

No one spoke. No one ever did. They always sat around and waited for Him to arrive. He was always—_always_—last to arrive. There was no exception. If He arrived before someone else, that person was no longer in the land of the living. No questions were asked. This fact was accepted and they moved on.

The problem was that Itachi hated waiting. He would never show it, of course. The only emotion he ever let free on his face was the ever-present hatred that kept him alive. He did, however, tend to arrive as late as possible so that he was only forced to wait upon Him. And He was the _only_ one Itachi would wait for without boiling on the inside. Even Kisame risked death when Itachi was left waiting.

The oxygen suddenly left the room as He walked into the hideout. He did not seem particularly indifferent, as He usually did when he walked in to begin a meeting. Instead, He seemed rather… _annoyed_. The surprise that filled Itachi did not show on his face.

Kisame made a point of looking around the room, and his eyes widened a bit, though he remained silent. He had just realized what Itachi had noticed as soon as he entered the room: Sasori was not present among them.

"You would be interested to know," He began, "that this has nothing to do with our current mission."

Itachi would have been relieved had he not known that this meant something worse.

"Deidara is in need of a new partner. I need you all to meet him before you come in contact with him and kill him without realizing who he is—among _other_ reasons."

Oh, yes. It was _much_ worse.

He began again. "I would like—"

"So which one's Deidara?" came an animated voice.

There was silence for a moment. Someone dared interrupt Him?

"Well? I bet it's him!"

And suddenly a face became the voice—sort of. Whether that was Tobi's actual face or an annoyingly hypnotic mask was not the point. The energetic member bounded over to Itachi, his finger pointed at the Uchiha.

"He's Deidara, right?"

The Mangekyou Sharingan appeared. "Don't insult me."

"_I'm_ Deidara, yeah," spoke up the blonde.

"Then who's he?" the man said.

"Itachi, yeah," Deidara said.

"Oh." The man seemed quite put out. "Let's do something interesting?"

And rather quickly, the man sped behind Itachi, his hands itching for Itachi's cloak.

Unfortunately for him, Itachi was armed with the Sharingan, and thus foresaw the event before it occurred. The man had barely put his hands on the cloak when Itachi looked at him so sternly that the man froze in his tracks, unable to turn away from Itachi's terrifying gaze.

"That is enough," He said.

Itachi turned back around and faced Him. This idiot wasn't even worth wasting the Mangekyou Sharingan over.

"This is Tobi. He will be replacing Sasori."

There was a pause as He let this information sink in.

"Why is there a ping pong paddle on your back?"

So he had seen beneath the cloak. Itachi took pleasure in completely ignoring this Tobi character. He blinked, waiting for Him to continue.

He did. "Because Sasori was unable to capture a Jinchuuriki, Tobi will be taking on that responsibility. I would not expect much, however, and thus Deidara will be assisting him in this."

"What?" Deidara snapped.

He glared. Deidara's head fell to the floor in apology.

"Is a ping pong paddle supposed to be on your back? Is that some kind of membership trend? How did you get it on there?" Itachi could hear him struggling to reach the middle of his back.

"It's the Uchiha crest," Kisame said.

"Oh," Tobi said. "Why a ping pong paddle? An Uchiha trend?"

He tried to mask his aggravation. It made Itachi wonder why this Tobi was worth the effort of putting up with. It almost made him pity Deidara.

"Our deadline quickly approaches. We have few of the demons in our possession. It is imperative that we capture all of the Jinchuuriki—" He looked pointedly at Itachi, "—no matter if they're friends of our brother's or not."

Itachi was insulted that He would think that Naruto being friends with _Sasuke_ would hold him back. He nearly commented on it, but Tobi opened his mouth first.

"You have a brother?" Tobi said, having not missed the look He gave Itachi. "Does he have a ping pong paddle on his back too?"

Itachi was officially annoyed.

"Do you try and play like that, or is it just for show?"

There was a silence where Itachi refused to answer before He continued as though Tobi's interruptions were not happening. "We _need_ those Jinchuuriki in order for this to work. Do what must be done so that they're caught. I will not stand for anymore excuses."

"Do you stand while playing ping pong using your back? That seems hard. But I guess it would be harder if you sat down."

Itachi and Him made eye contact. Both shared this growing distaste for Tobi, but it was up to Him to decide if Tobi was worth the trouble. By His silence, Itachi was assuming that he was.

"Your ping pong games must be boring. You wouldn't ever talk during them. You'd think you'd be an outgoing, unique person, having a ping pong on your back and all, but you don't talk at all. I don't think I want to play ping pong with you."

Itachi flashed Tobi an image of shoving a ping pong down his throat.

It took Tobi a moment to respond.

"I _really_ don't want to play ping pong with you."

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Jinchuuriki: the name given to a person with a powerful demon sealed inside him/her

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Welcome to the beginning of "Of All the Things You Could Do!" Exciting, no? Hope you enjoyed my little spoof on what _might_ have happened when the Akatsuki met Tobi. Thank you for reading; don't forget to review!

Riles


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